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| Nobody comes to xanga anymore.
i don't even know why I'm updating...
but whatever :)
From last night's message in youth group, I've realized I've never "feared" God. I've always pictured and categorized him as a Friend who will always be there, support me in anything that's right, and never will abandon me. Those are all right thoughts, it's just... I've never realized that he's GOD.
I've done things over and over again while having the mindset that it's wrong, it's totally wrong, but just never ever correct myself. Never even let God teach me a lesson.
Selfishness and pride, yes, that's defitenely one thing I'll have a hard time to actually search within myself and get those two out. (Did that even make sense?? o_O)
Reverence. Such a complicated word... with a even deeper meaning to it.
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| I don't know what to do anymore.
I know everything I do now, what I choose to be, what I do, what classes I take, all will influence in the future. There are already lots of choices I made that I already regret making... but as some person said, the choices you made in the past is already the past... what you choose to do later is more important.
But I seriously don't know what to do anymore.
I'm focusing on music education/music in general for college. But my grades, the courses I'm planning to take next year... HA, like it'll help me get into a good college...
Oh, God, please guide me... show me what you have for me...!!
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| so.
i dont see any point in updating anymore, since nobody comes anymore.
even if ppl come, they dont comment. at all. nada. zero. blah. blah blah blah!
T_T*
but ill just update... i got nothing to do anyways haha
so i just came back from a conference (CCCC) and personally, i learned a lot... spiritually, emotionally, etc etc.
Spiritually, even though i was a small group leader, by answering all those kids' questions, i felt like i was teaching myself about God. They had pretty tough questions as jr. high kids, and i thought oh man, im gonna die..i dont know anything! But God was there, He used me and talked through me to tell those kids what they should know. As the week went by, I really wanted to reach out to those kids and tell them, the world isnt that bad, but please, dont do the same mistakes i did! Enjoy your life, seek God, and enjoy what you have, not what you need. Please, please please, obey God, seek Him, love Him and don't think the world is all that bad...
I told a bunch of people I felt like God was calling me to major in music. But after the conference, I wasn't sure anymore...
I loved being a "teacher". I enjoyed it so much...I started to doubt if majoring in music was really a God's calling or my own desire.
Even worse, I already told my piano teacher I want to major in music... -_-;;
Emotionally, I learned how to control my temper! Yay! So fear no more guys that gets beats up by me =D
As a worship leader, stepping down not being a worship leader for this conference gave me a sort of break and a lesson watching other leaders.
For being a leader for the first time, i didn't know much, to be honest. I guess, in some areas, I also misguided the team sometimes? =O
But observing this year's conference's worship leaders, I learned that being a leader is not something you should take as a game nor a "pride thing". I used to love telling people, "heck yeah, I'm the worship leader man!" (okay, not THAT way but... haha yeah XD) and get like praises or something...
Man, that's pride.
I'm still doing it... for example last night. My friend asked me something, and I answered Yeah, I'm the worship leader and that proudness came back. I tried pushing it away...it's so hard.
Speaker today at church read a verse to us in Jeremiah - " The heart is wicked...nobody can understand it."
Okay, I guess my main point is, I really need prayer.
I'm getting all these "leader roles" and I feel like why? I'm totally not fit for it, but why does God keep on calling me to do them?
In the end, I feel bad.
Guilty.
-sigh-
Please?
AND YES...RANDOM PICTURE BUT IM DYING JUST LOOKING AT THIS..!!
(LOLcats)
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| Yes, a prayer request, haha.
As some people know, me and
another friend of mine is supporting a kid from Africa (or more
specific, Ethiopia) through the program compassion.
Now, monthly,
it's 32, and since we're splitting it, it's 16 for both of us. It's not
that bad! Only 32 for their education, medical, clothes, fresh water,
food, anything they would need. Even a little holiday gift or birthday
gift. :D And, I've always wanted to reach out and support a child to
let them know the love of Jesus through this small amount...
But I haven't been taking care of what I have in my little drawer of money these days...
I looked at my "money record", and I went from 141.00 to 74.
...
And I forgot to mail a month's of support for Compassion, so 64.
...
And then I owed my friend 10.
...
Then my lunch money.
...
Then what I owe my youth group leader.
...
Yeah, so please pray for me?
I
mean, what's really a miracle is, I don't have a job, but I always,
always am able to pay for Yishak (kid's name), every single month.
I don't know how, since the way I've been handling money is just terrible. :P
So thank God for that. x)
But
then again, I think God's trying to teach me a lesson on how to save
money for the things I NEED, not the things I WANT. I have a
terrible... uh, "habit" (I guess?) for that...
SO please pray for me guys...
Thanks alot. :)
OH YES. Whoever wants to support a child, ask me about it. I would be happy to have a long conversation with you about it. :D | | |
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